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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Day 4 - Top Ten Drop-Dead Tired Euphemisms

Ems here--

As mothers we learn to function despite being in a near-constant state of fatigue. Sometimes, however, those periods are more intense--newborn awakenings, ill children, etc.  Last night, for example, Simona and I discovered that she in incapable of sleeping when her nose is congested. We spent the entire night hanging out together. Good times.

With that fresh inspiration in mind, here are a Top Ten of Tired Mom euphemisms...and what they really mean:

10.  "Breakfast time!"-- a few handfuls of M&Ms seems perfectly reasonable...nay, essential, for a morning jumpstart.  Nothing says "good morning" like chocolate, is what I always say.

9. "Getting Dressed for the Day" -- Blue or Pink? Nothing says "fetching" like fleece.

8.  "Let's Play at the Park" -- Don't fall off mommy's bed, children. Be careful. No feet on my pillows. (All spoken quietly from the couch a floor below)

7. "Please listen before Mommy loses her temper!"-- Momzilla is coming and she's truly psychotic.

6. "Working Out" -- It's just like yoga.

5.  "Lunch" -- A little more sugar does the body good.

4.  "Okay, you can watch another show." -- Don't you dare turn off that TV till Mom tells you to.

3.  "Mommy's not feeling well."  -- Immune. System. Crashing.

2. "Dinner" -- Gee, I hope there's enough pizza for the rest of you fools. Must. Have. Fourths.

1. "Gosh, I need a vacation." Someday, Lunesta and I will be very happy.

Easy Rule #3880: Moms give new meaning to tired excuses. But cheer up! I heard that someday we'll miss these treasured years. At least we're not sleeping them away....

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